Minding the Thorns

"...For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." Romans 7:14-19

Why did God create man and woman with potent passions and desires, and then call us to control their power?  It seems we have been set up to fail.  “Behold! I give you an appetite you can’t satisfy.”  Why would a loving God torture his beloved so?  Seeking a biblical perspective, I learned that “self-control” is not used often in the bible.  Righteousness, however, is found over 400 times.  Self-control is a requirement for righteousness.  Practicing self-control is like a granddaddy's childhood memory of walking to school, barefoot, day after day, mile by mile, through the snow going uphill both ways.  

A righteous person is identified by her willingness to control herself.    Assessing my own identity, I find that I am very willing.  Able? Not so much.  If I had a dollar for every time I was willing to control myself, I could have retired years ago.  If I had a dime for every time I was able to control myself, my debt would match what I owe in college loans. 

In 2 Corinthians 12:7 Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh against which he must struggle. In my lifetime, I have stepped on my share of thorns.  Alcohol was one of them; drunkenness sharpened the others.  I knew I needed to stop drinking.  More than willing, I was desperate to quit.  I would succeed for a season, but my resistance didn’t last. In time I failed. I hated myself for failing. I hated being a slave to my sin.  On my own, I was powerless to win my freedom.

Our little independent selves cannot maintain righteousness for long, not by our own strength.  We may do well for months, even years, but eventually we will get tired, we will have bad days, and the enemy is patient.  So why wouldn’t God provide thicker skin to protect our soles from stepping on those wicked thorns?  The answer is found in another question: Why would man need God if he could do everything himself?  

Through Christ I was able to withdraw my most life-threatening thorn. The hole remains open, sensitive to the irritations of life, but the wound doesn't control me. Still, the devil never sleeps; if it's not one thorn it's another.  Though some thorns are lodged deeper than others, it's those little ones that can be harder to dig out.  Worry and anxiety.  Anger.  Sugar.  

Self-control may be last on the list of spiritual fruits, but this character attribute is the seed that produces the preceding holy bunch.  We cannot ripen in love, joy, peace and such if we cannot first master self-control.  But we can’t do it alone.  Fortunately, His power is made perfect in our weakness.


Prayer:
"Lord, you give power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Forgive me for thinking I can live righteously by my power alone.  Thank you for your grace that covers me when I fail.   Strengthen me when I am weak and continue your work in me." Amen

Dancing with Trouble

The word suffering usually brings to mind an extended period of pain or other unpleasant sensation. It’s the feeling associated with a bad situation, some sort of trouble, trial or challenge.  Not many of us would be willing to open the front door of our lives to suffering.  I know if I see trouble walking close by my first instinct is to bolt the door, close the blinds and pray it keeps on walkin’.  I had a pastor once who suggested that his congregation could use a little more trouble in life.   I was already going through it.  Recently divorced and struggling as a single parent, more trouble to be the last thing I needed. 

It’s not just the external situation that causes suffering but also the internal conversation that talks to the trouble, attacking my self-esteem.  The negative voices in my head play louder than the bass rattling the trunks of some of those cars in the hood. Fear of failure and self-doubt free-style a off-beat rap that pinches the nerves in my shoulders and makes my spirit slouch.  It’s difficult to see the benefit that comes from keeping step with trouble.   

There are two biblical promises that I’ve come to count on; one helps me deal with the other.  Jesus promises that we will experience trouble in this world.  It’s guaranteed.  But here’s the deal: the promise that covers this guarantee is God’s love for us.  Because of God’s love “all things  [yes, even that ugly “thing” hidden in the closet] work together for good to them that love the Lord.” (Romans 8:28)  Because of God’s love, Peter reckoned that “the suffering of this present moment is not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18) 

When trouble is done with us, we are left stronger, glorious.  We are stiff and sore from the work-out, but the exercise has served its purpose.  Great suffering creates a lean, mean fightin’ machine and if we’re armed with God’s Word, we’re ready and able to “rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope.” (Romans 5:3)  I’m not saying I’m going to dress up and go looking for a night out on the town with trouble, but with God’s love, I’ll be ready to tango when trouble finds me. 

Reflection Questions:

1. How does self-esteem help or hinder your ability to persevere?

2. Consider the times you have suffered in life.   How did these experiences make you better?  How does the past suffering prepare you for the troubles ahead?

Prayer:

“Lord, you are the potter and I am the clay. Forgive me for thinking I know what’s best for my life.  You know what is needed to shape me into the image of your Son, Jesus Christ. I surrender my suffering to you to use for your purposes.  You are my hope.” Amen 

Top Ten Things for Pre-Teen Girls to Remember

As a mother, I wanted to ensure that my daughters were issued the proper armor to shield themselves from negative media input that seeks to program their hearts, minds and bodies into believing they are not enough.  This false belief system impregnates their souls with the parasitic notion that they should settle for less than their divine destiny.  Birthed from this illusion is a stunted growth of spirit, manifested in failed relationships, self-destructive behavior, lack of faith and distrust in God as a loving God. 

Words are a powerful mechanism that can either build up or tear down such programming.  I wrote these affirmations for my daughters, and for the young girls at Metanoia who tell me stories - personal accounts of how they are losing themselves to ill-constructed skeletal frameworks that trap and limit their expansive potential as women.

1. You are beautiful....

God don’t make ugly. The devil is a liar - and he is terrified of who you really are. You are most beautiful when you look and act like who God made you to be, not what the TV, magazines, videos and movies say are or you should be. Beauty is as beauty does. Don’t be ugly.

2. You are intelligent...

Our minds are for thinking things through, not worrying ourselves into pits of despair. You are able to solve problems, big or small. Asking for help doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself, it means you’re smart enough to know that two sound minds are greater than one. Just make sure the help you ask for is coming from someone who shows s/he has a pattern of successfully managing his/her own problems. Consider the size of your problem: if it’s small, let it fall. If it’s big, give it to Him. You are greater than your circumstance. Your circumstance is temporary. You are eternal.

3. You have power...

Don’t give it away. Offering your most precious gifts to the ungodly is like feeding a roach. It won’t appreciate it (it’ll eat anything,) and it won’t ever be satisfied with what you give. It will take, take, take and give nothing in return. Worse, it’ll bring it’s friends.

4. You have a choice...

Just because you can’t see your options, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If you can’t see clearly, change your position for a better perspective. Pray for clarity. Patience. Patience. Patience. Soon you’ll see a new choice materialize.

5. No matter how bad it feels, it will come together for good...

Making a choice based on how you feel without thinking things through can create more problems than it solves. Hard edges become softer with time. How much time it takes depends on how hard-headed you are about learning the lesson from whatever is happening. Everything works out for the best in the end, and if not - it's not the end!

6. You are responsible for your own happiness...

You can’t control when trouble comes, (and it will come - Jesus promised). The only thing you can control is how you respond to it. Don’t let anyone or any situation steal your joy. Don't kill your own joy by focusing on what's not working in your world. Attend to the things that are working and practice an attitude of gratitude. Things start to change for the better when you do.

7. Seek God first, everything else is secondary....

Don’t waste time thinking, worrying, wondering, talking, fussing, arguing about people or things - (boys, movies, a song, a situation, your clothes, your appearance, what you have or don’t have, etc.) If you do this more than you think, pray, meditate, wonder, talk with God, love, you are worshipping that person or thing. God’s commandment states “Thou shall have no other gods before me.” Set your priorities. Keep’em straight.

8.There is always more to learn...

God uses our circumstances, both good and bad, to teach us something we need to know for the life ahead of us. If we don’t learn it in the present challenge, He’ll allow another trial to happen to give us another chance to learn. And even after we learn it, He’ll create yet another difficulty to test our remembrance, or to practice what we think we know. In truth, the more we learn, the less we know.

9. Trust your gut...

This is different from acting on your feelings. Emotions can be cluttered, contradictory, chaotic and confusing. God is not the author of confusion. God gave us a deeper feeling or “sense,” one that we don’t feel emotionally; it’s called instinct or intuition. Intuition is clear and certain, best heard when we are still, humble and quiet.

10. Whatever you do, do it with love and for God’s glory...

Be honest with yourself. Follow clear, pure motives. Doing things to please others, to earn money or status, for your boyfriend or for our own pride and glory can be satisfying, but in time, that pleasure will become less gratifying. It’s like drinking a pepsi when you’re really thirsty. It tastes good at first, and for a moment your thirst is quenched, but it won’t be long before you’re thirsty again. The only thing that will help is clear, pure water. Test each option for clarity and purity. What are you doing and why? The two most common reasons why people don’t reach the wonderfully divine heights God has planned is because of fear and laziness. Acting out of fear feeds fear. Acting with love casts out fear, and when we act with the intention of pleasing God, we work harder, perform better, and create a greater glory than we could ever imagine.

Meditation Minute: A Woman's Word

Planning a big slumber party for seven 5th and 6th grade girls in the program. The objective is simple: prepare the soil for good growth. I anticipate high voltage energy bouncing off my living room walls. I expect giggles late into the night. In between pizza, popcorn, and root beer, we'll lift the veil to reveal the role of media and culture in defining a woman's role, deforming her body, degenerating her value, and demonizing her liberation. Okay, maybe we won't talk about all of that, but we'll certainly get the ground ready for ongoing conversations.

I hope to create a safe place for these 11 and 12 year olds to talk about what is influencing their daily lives, good and bad. I'd like to offer some words of wisdom from other women who can't be present. Prayer warriors, battle scarred and triumphant, renegades who have found freedom within the suffocating veil. The best gifts we can give these young ladies are our stories of how we make the conscious choice to live beautifully in a broken and dysfunctional world. Women, (and men who are sensitive to the concerns of women,) post your words/wit/lessons learned in the comments box below.