The One Year Mother Daughter Devotional by Dannah Gresh

When I read the title of this book, I thought it would be a good way to connect with my oldest daughter. Yet, when I opened the package that contained this free read, I realized right away that Gresh's devotional would be more appropriate for much younger girls - born in the 50s! Though it's idyllic to wish for such innocence in our teenagers, I need a devotional without the flowery frills, one that cuts right to the heart of the pressing issues facing today's youth.

It's a Candy Land devotional more appropriate for elementary or early middle school girls. It would be ideally suited for homeschool tweens who have not been corrupted by the societal and cultural norms impregnating public schools. I could simplify the language and use it with my five-year-old. But like the dreamy white picket fence, The One Year Mother Daughter Devotional only traces a hedge of spiritual protection around her. It's not solid enough to stand on it's own. With the exception of the Bible, no book can. To be fair, the only claim this book makes is that "after 365 days, mother and daughter are sure to see a difference in their relationship." Is this a good resource to strengthen our bond? Perhaps in the same way a slice of processed cheese is a good source of calcium. Quick, easy to swallow. As a supplement, it's a spiritual snack. I was looking for a mother daughter home cooked meal. Still, I might use this devo when I need a stencil to start real conversation.

Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my review.

Living With Confidence In A Chaotic World by Dr. David Jeremiah

In Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World, Dr. Jeremiah tries to lift the weight of worldly worries with the Word, offering a constructive approach for those who trust their lives to the faithful hands of God, and encouraging those who have yet to turn over their fears to He who is always in control, even in the midst of chaos.  

Dr. Jeremiah offers a solid stone in the foundation on which we can stand firm: God's word. The key word here is stand, or "stay" as Dr. Jeremiah succinctly orders each chapter, followed by a level-headed "c" verb.  In chapter three, for example, "Stay Constructive" speaks of body building, like the man who builds his house on the rock.  

If the gates of hell have flung open into your living room, or if you know someone who is currently playing dodgeball with demons, Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World is a strong strap of truth to gird your loins. Though there were some parts within chapters that could have gone deeper, on the whole it serves as a useful tool, one I can pick up to whet my sword of the spirit in the days, months and years ahead.   

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com (http://BookSneeze.com) book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 (http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html. “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”)

Single Mom in Korea

My principal told me I might be one of very few American single moms who chose to move overseas to teach English. Though it is challenging, it's no greater than what a single mom struggling in America has to experience. In the US, I was struggling to wait through the recession.  While job searching, I was working two part-time jobs, scrapping by on waitress tips, food stamps, medicaid and public housing. My job here provides enough for me to live while here, and pay off debts back home. Though I'm working harder, I can support myself. That said, I believe coming to Korea was a wise decision.

Because God's been so good to me, I want to help any other single moms who might be thinking of making the same move. Already, I have received a number of inquiries from moms who want to know the practical side of the romanticized adventure of going global. It is a wonderful journey to be sure, but I have to say my situation is so good because of God. It's been perfect, because He is perfect. Lots of things could have gone wrong and didn't; I know He moved stumbling blocks out of the way to ensure a smooth transition. Still, though it has been an awesome experience, it has not been easy.

Since everything is new, every day is an unexpected adventure, discovering what new store is around the corner, tasting new foods, riding the bus, the subway. Korea is very kid friendly - they adore kids here - and it is very safe. I don't feel afraid to walk home when it's dark.

I have been particularly blessed with my placement. It is a wonderful school (private, Christian,) and the staff and principal have gone out of their way to consider our needs. They found housing within three-minutes walking distance from the school. They gave me a considerable tuition discount for my daughter so she can attend the same school where I teach. I am right down the hall from her and eat with her at lunch. This is especially good when it comes time to comforting her if something happened that morning. I can also observe how she is being treated by other students, whether she is being accepted or marginalized, and see how she is accepting Korean customs. If I notice something, I can address it immediately or wait to discuss at home. In my case, my daughter is African-American which is somewhat of an anomaly here. The children have yet to fully integrate her into their group. This is difficult to witness as a mother, but it would be even more isolating for her if she did not have me to turn to for comfort and affirmation. The caring staff and teachers are also making a concerted effort to reach out and educate the Korean children, using this as a teachable moment to learn about loving our neighbors, and acting as brothers and sisters in Christ. I think the single parent should also take into account that you are even more single here. If you are willing to trust your child to the care of someone else, you might steal away for a mommy break. I have yet to do that, as it takes time for me to build trust. Accordingly, I have had no time to myself, which is much different from home. At home, I could count on at least one window of opportunity every day to spend alone. I could get some shopping done, run to the bank, or just take an uninterrupted break to breathe for a moment. This hasn't happened, and I still haven't worked this one out. Parents should keep this in mind. One possible solution is to connect with Korean parents of children around the same age as your child. This will be helpful support for you, and give your child someone else to play with besides you! Finding foreign moms has been somewhat difficult for me because of my location. Most foreigners live in Seoul which is an hour bus and train ride away.

Expect your child to need some extra leniency for sudden changes in behavior - mood swings, (clingy one minute, and "I can do it by myself" the next minute,) irritability, defiance, or acting out. You know your child, and if s/he does something out of character, be patient - she's trying to adjust to a major life change just like you. I think it's more of a challenge for the child because she didn't choose to come, the decision what forced onto her. Be prepared to console frequently, explain everything - even while you are still learning yourself. Much will depend on the age of your child. My daughter is five, so there was more behavior management and a lot more patience required. Find some things that remind you both of home, a way you can connect to what is familiar and certain. For us, it was church and prayer. I also made sure she brought her favorite toys. I downloaded skype before I left so we could talk to family. We also had a conversation about "what was the same" since our arrival: "Mommy still works, you still go to school. We still eat toast for breakfast. We still read stories at night. We still watch Clifford the Big Red dog." This list will be a good reference when your child starts to feel like the change is too overwhelming. When the child starts to miss family back home, don't try to brush the feelings aside. Acknowledge the sadness, let her cry. Hold her and admit that "this is the hardest part." Prepare them before arriving that missing family is going to be biggest challenge to overcome, especially if your child is particularly close to father/siblings/grandparents. The child may go through the anger phase; s/he might be angry with you for bringing her here and taking her away from her family. If this happens, try to focus on the good that you both are experiencing, and then work at creating more good memories so you can bring them up when s/he has another "I miss my daddy" moment. Expect thes"I miss..." moments to come regularly for as long as you are here. It's a great challenge, and you have to be a certain type of person to manage it: patient, flexible, understanding, organized, possess nerves of steel and an open, compassionate heart. Get plenty of rest, take your vitamins (especially C and zinc). A great sense of humor helps too! I have documented some of our holiday activities on video, plus daily living experiences such as a quest to the grocery store, and a tour of our apartment (the standard size for first year teachers!) If you have more questions, feel free to comment or send me an e-mail.

The Christmas Letter, 2009

It's usually about this time when I start thinking about whether or not to send Christmas cards. This year, I posed a question on Facebook to friends and family, inquiring whether or not these holiday greetings are obsolete. With today's technology we can e-mail greetings, which is much more cost effective and saves trees. What about the Christmas letter? I remember growing up they would start rolling in by now, some as long as two single space pages, recounting the year's activities. There was the annual letter from an uncle and aunt, the RV champs from California. Their yearly life summary would be read Christmas Day with dramatic intonation and gestures to liven up a very droll report. Then there was the family friend, a Vietnam Vet who wrote the parody of the Christmas letter. As the years went on, his letters seemed to get more twisted and bizarre, always detailing extreme scenarios and vivid descriptions of personal events one never, ever wanted to know. The tradition, however varied, set the standard by which I would come to write my own.

As a traveling gypsy (now retired,) my family and friends grew to expect that I would invariably report at least one of three events every year: a new address, a new job, and at least one major drama. I doubt anyone has ever kept the complete assortment of these annual accounts, but the collection would be interesting to review, from a historical perspective, of course. Study would show a questionable pattern of living, one that was uncertain, unstable, unpredictable. If anything, these letters revealed that I was most surely coming undone. I imagine most of the recipients of these letters exhaled a deep sigh of concern or consternation upon reading my sordid tales, "Poor child. When will she ever settle down and normalize?" I am happy to report that in September of 2008 I completely unraveled, and have since begun the process of sowing a new pattern, one of deliverance, peace, and glorious moments of pure joy!

I will avoid detailing "my time away" as I've come to call it, but I will say this much: last September I had a transformational experience that shifted my consciousness so dramatically, those who knew me before this time would hardly recognize the new me were we to have an in- depth discussion on just about any subject. I view every aspect of living with different eyes, especially those two topics nobody ever wants to talk about over dinner: politics and religion. Before, I was a radically liberal, pro-choice, pro-whatever works for you, progressive democrat, universally circular on all matters traditionally unilateral, and would twirl and spin in the gray area just for the sake of argument. This consciousness was reflected in my lifestyle, and was as confusing and ambiguous as the former sentence. Now, I see things more clearly, fresh, new. I strip everything down to it's spiritual essence, to the fundamental and, as some may contend, narrow, simple truth. I expect I will lose friends because of this. It is written that those who follow this path with lose their life. Mothers will turn from their daughters, brother will be set against brother, husband against wife. I do not look forward to that time, if it should come, but I would gladly exchange my old life for what I have only begun to experience in this first year of my renewing.

With that said, I want to assure my family and friends, especially those who've know me since childhood that some things haven't changed: my sense of humor, my periodic urges to commit random acts of senseless spontaneity, my emotional sensitivity and deep compassion for those who are suffering. Even better, what was once lost, broken, corrupted, perverted, or hardened from life's trials, has returned. Hope. Great expectations. Belief in promises. I smile more, sometimes for so long my cheeks hurt (the muscles are unfamiliar with such strain, but they are stretching and strengthening with continued exercise.) I watch less drama, and seek out comedies, and yes, even musicals, ("The hills are alive/with the sound of music/aah-aaaaaaa-aah. That's how I feel!) Those desires from childhood that were rich and wonderful have come back to me. I wanna help people. I want to roll down hills and climb trees, and bake cookies. And I'm singing again, even making up my own songs! Though I'd choose the blues song "Good Morning Heartache" by Billie Holiday on karaoke night, I would do so only because I'm still an alto and I know all the words by heart.

Of course, having a four-year-old to play with makes all this change as accommodating as free shipping on Amazon (my shopping habits haven't changed either, I still don't like the mall, though I'll admit, I went twice in the last month and I didn't feel like I was going to hurt anybody.) This year she requested a guitar, a scooter, and a vacuum cleaner (? - yeh, I thought the same thing; my old women's liberation spirit reared her head on that last one.) I found two out of three on Amazon. If anyone knows how to tune a guitar, I'd appreciate a quick lesson. I also got her a full cleaning set, all pink. It comes with a vacuum, duster, broom & dustpan with the cart to hold everything. (It was less than $20, what can I say? At least, I know she's cultivating a clean spirit!) The big ticket item was a digital camera, as bulky as the first cellular phones ever made, one that can be dropped repeatedly without damage. This is in response to her incessant pleading at every photographic moment, "I wanna do it! Please mama, I'll be very careful." She looks at me with her academy award-winning puppy-dog eyes, and reaches for my antique 35 millimeter camera. Yeh, like that's ever gonna happen. "No, it's my camera! Mine!" (That childhood possessiveness has returned as well.) I am excited to give Edojah his gift; it's a classic. He's reading well, so I got him the choose-your-own adventure series that started my childhood love for reading. His birthday falls a few days after Christmas; I'm hoping to win on eBay his birthday gift; another classic, (I'm battling bids for battleship - one of the top three board games of all time, just after monopoly and scrabble.)

This year has been full of all the moments humans come to appreciate, especially during difficult times. Yes, 2009 has been trying, but the trials have exercised my strength and faith, and exorcised the demons of fear and doubt. The slide show below tells our story for the year. We have smiled from cheek to cheek, and leaped in the air for no apparent reason other than for the fun of it. We've also worried about our future, refused to smile, and mourned great loss, (rest in peace Grandpa.) Still, we celebrated birthdays, a new baby, (Rio's cousin) and weddings (brother on father's side, and sister on mother's side.) We played on the beach, went horse back riding, paddled down one river in Florida, and up another in Oregon, and enjoyed a road trip to see family (and father) in North Carolina. We played dress up, gave group hugs, planted seeds, and made peace. We glorified God in our songs of praise (and will again this weekend, pictures will be forthcoming) and showed faces full of love. These words and images are testimony to how good God has been this year, as He always has been, and always will be. I am so thankful that now I see. I mean, really see.

Have my external circumstances changed? No. I'm still underemployed (working part-time waiting tables at a local Mexican restaurant and as a writing lab specialist at Santa Fe College, helping students write their essays.) Karibi and I are divorced, finalized in March, (but if it's God's will, nothing is final.) I'm still uncertain about my direction. Where am I going? and How do I get there? are questions that remain unanswered, but now I am more confident in my guide. There is light above me, and in me, and though it has yet to shine upon the next step, I trust He will, and at just the right time.

I'm looking forward to Brianna's visit. She arrives from Cali on the 26th. I'd like to take a road trip up north to go play in the snow. That's my Christmas wish. In the coming year, I will strive to exercise more, eat breakfast every day, and reduce my just-before-bed munching (I haven't been delivered from that bad habit, but there are some battles I must fight on my own!) I plan to continue writing; I am now a "truthseeker" on www.cultureunplugged.com. As a regular contributor I get paid to write about media, film, culture and consciousness. It's my best (and first) paid writing gig yet! Thanks to those of you who have taken the time to read the articles I submit. Your comments are encouraging and add support to my value as a writer.

To all my friends and family who have not yet done so, (or tried, failed, tried again, fell, gave up and now don't know what to do,) I encourage you to come to the Father. Step out in faith, with a heart like a child. Consider it your second childhood! I pray you experience the hope and joy and peace in Christ; even though December 25th was not his actual birthday, it's as good a day as any to remember the spirit in which He came, as the ultimate Christmas present. His life and sacrifice is a gift "gooder" (as Grandpa Pete would say) than any man, woman or child could ever hope to receive, whether naughty or nice. Praise God that He loves us so much! May you accept His love, dwell in it, and share it with all you meet this season, and in the year to come.